Timeline Page 2 of 9

Mar 17th, 2015 thru Mar 24th, 2015

Willing to try
Mar 17th, 2015

I called Andrea to find out if she would be willing to attend marriage counseling with me. She agreed, but with the stipulation that I would not disclose her alcoholism to the counselor. The opportunity for us to openly discuss Andrea's drinking problem with a therapist was the primary reason I suggested counseling, and was discouraged by her request, but did agreed to her demand. I found a therapist who was willing to see us the following day and made the appointment. I called Andrea back to give her the information. We planned to drive together, but messaged me later saying she changed her mind, believing it would be best for us to drive separately. I knew this change was likely the result of maternal influence.

ANDREA: I don't think it's a good idea to drive to counseling tomorrow. I have no problem trading cars. I just want to be prepared if for some reason the session isn't amicable

ANDREA: Btw miss you too

CHRIS: I understand. Can you be there at 930. We have to fill out paperwork. Do you know where it is?

ANDREA: No where?

CHRIS: 4229 bardstown Ed at Chrysler building ste 311. Corner of fete bush and bardstown.

CHRIS: Fegenbush

CHRIS: Get that?

ANDREA: Yes

1st appointment
Mar 18th, 2015

I arrived first and sat in the waiting room of the counselor's office. I worried that Andrea would not come, but she arrived a few minutes later. She looked horrible. It appeared that Andrea was wearing the same clothes she slept in, her hair disheveled, skin pale and dry, but I was most alarmed by the prominent signs of jaundice in her face. The white of her eyes was now a pale shade of yellow, and the dark circles beneath her eyes made her appear similar to a raccoon. I could not refrain from telling her what I observed. She uncomfortably explained that she did not sleep well and did not have time to shower, but we both knew the truth. We continued to talk, conspicuously avoiding the topic of alcohol, but I was unable to stop thinking about the very real damage that it was causing.

The therapist began the session asking conventional questions; why we were here, and what each of us wanted from counseling. She gave us each the opportunity to speak individually, occasionally stopping us to clarify or expand upon a statement. She asked if either of us had any problems with substance abuse; we both waited for the other to answer.

CHRIS: “I don't” (the implication obvious by my inflection)

THERAPIST: “Andrea?”

ANDREA: (pause) “Chris believes that I do”

THERAPIST: “You are referring to drinking. Is that correct?”

ANDREA: nods in agreement

THERAPIST: “Do you believe that you have a drinking problem?”

ANDREA: (pause) “Yes”

The therapist explained to Andrea that the physical signs of alcohol abuse were clearly evident, and that she was concerned for Andrea's health. Andrea said she was suffering from stress and repated the reasons offered to me earlier to explain her appearance. The therapist asked a few more questions relating to Andrea's admission and encouraged her to seek treatment, but soon moved on to other topics. We agreed to attend another session the following week.

2nd appointment
Mar 23rd, 2015

About an hour before 2nd appointment, Andrea called to inform me that she felt ill and could not attend counseling today. I decided to attend alone.

The therapist asked if Andrea had made any progress in seeking help for her alcoholism, I replied that she hadn't. She asked me if I would be willing to speak with a colleague who worked primarily with alcoholics and addiction counseling, explaining that she believed their insight would be beneficial for me. I told her that I would. I was led across the hall and briefly sat in a waiting area before being introduced and taken back to another office.

The addiction counselor explained that she was given some basic information, but asked me to provide her details about Andrea's alcohol problem. I recounted that I saw a prominent change in Andrea's behavior early in October, that was soon accompanied by notable physical ailments. I told her that Andrea deteriorated rapidly over the coming months, and by December, had become so insufferable that I began talking about divorce if she failed to get her problems under control. I explained how, on March 2nd, I asked Andrea to leave and stay with her parents, and the subsequent discovery of bottles a few days later that has lead us to here. I told her how my efforts over the last few weeks to compel Andrea to seek treatment have failed, as have my attempts for her family to intervene.

She asked me specifics about the medical problems I witnessed. I recounted the more memorable episodes of Andrea's erratic, sometimes bizarre, behavior. I spoke about her excessive sleeping, and that when she wasn't asleep, she rarely moved from the couch. I told her that Andrea was barely eating, but did not appear to be losing weight, and that in fact appeared bloated. I told her about the uncontrollable vomiting and how the frequency of episodes continued to grow until it seemed she was unable to keep anything down. I concluded telling her about the jaundice I saw the previous week and Andrea's haggard appearance.

She then asked me how long Andrea had been drinking, I replied that I was not sure, but that I knew it has been more than 2 years. I explained that after discovering Andrea's problem, I went online to review our bank statements for any patterns of alcohol purchases. I quickly discovered Andrea's attempt to conceal her purchases amongst visits to the Kroger for groceries (Kroger also operates liquor stores at numerous locations). I explained that I found numerous instances where a charge from Kroger was followed by another smaller charge from Kroger just a short time later I found out that purchases from the liquor store had to be made separately from the grocery, but that both showed up only as “Kroger” in the transaction. In the event that I ever did question her about the smaller purchases, I reasoned her explanation would be that she simply forgot something and went back to get it. This never happened (Andrea oversaw our finances), but I do not believe I would have accepted any explanation if I was aware of the frequency that it occurred. I found approximately 80 instances of these charges over the 2 years of records I reviewed. I knew if I was able to go back further (our bank only made 2 years of history available online), I would find countless more.

The addiction counselor informed me that it sounded like Andrea was in the late stages of alcoholism and that out-patient therapy would not work for Andrea; medically supervised detox, followed by in-patient rehabilitation, was the only option that offered any chance of success. She said that Andrea's physical symptoms were likely the result of damage to her liver and gastrointestinal system. She warned that the progressive vomiting and sudden onset of jaundice were indicative of “Alcoholic Hepatitis”, which can be fatal, and requires emergency care. She emphasized that I needed to convince Andrea to seek that care immediately.

Her words horrified me. The insistence in her voice left me no cause to believe that she was overstating the danger. I told her that I understood, but the reality was, I didn't understand any of this.

I have a plan
Mar 23rd, 2015

Before leaving, I called Mark, a mutual friend of Andrea's and I, and repeated what the addiction counselor had told me. I informed him that Andrea's parents had recently left for New Jersey, and that she was alone. I asked if he would accompany me to their home to help me convince Andrea to allow us to take her to the emergency room. He agreed, and we decided to meet in the parking lot of Bowman Field before going to her parents home. I told him that I did not believe Andrea would answer the door, or even speak with us, if she knew why we were there. I explained that my plan was to call Andrea and tell her that Patrick's school contacted me, stated that Patrick wasn't feeling well, and needed to be picked-up. I would tell her that I was unable to go and ask her to do so. We would park our cars on the street, walk down the driveway to Andrea's vehicle, make the call, and wait for her to leave.The driveway was adjacent to the house and had a steep slope that ended at the garage. Andrea would not see us until she approached her car. When I finished, the look on Mark's face was one of feigned surprise, mocking the intricate details of my plan. I laughed, acknowledging the allusion to a cloak-and-dagger operation, but I did believe it was necessary. We left the parking lot and drove to Andrea's parents home .

We parked our cars and started down Andrea's driveway. The neighbor next door was outside working in his yard, and we noticed him retrieve his cell phone after seeing us. Mark went over to speak with him. Mark showed the man his police credentials and asked if he was calling someone about us, the man affirmed that he was, and explained that John had asked him (prior to leaving town) to notify the police if he observed me at their home. Mark explained we were there to check on Andrea's welfare and that he would monitor the situation, but told the neighbor he could call John, or the police, if he felt obliged to do so.

I called Andrea's mobile phone several times, but she did not answer. I then attempted to call the home phone, but she did not answer that phone either. I sent Andrea a fragmented message asking her to answer her phone, mentioning Patrick and his school. Her reply, “I am calling the school”, was odd and unexpected. I realized my overly detailed plan failed, and admitted to her that Mark was at the house and wanted to talk with her.

CHRIS: I need you to pick up phone Patrick's school

ANDREA: I am calling the school

CHRIS: Mark is there. At house

CHRIS: He says you won't answer door.

CHRIS:Please talk to him

Andrea called Mark's phone and told him that she was willing to speak with him, but only if I agreed to leave, which I did. Mark remained at the house and talked with Andrea for approximately 30 minutes.

Aftermath
Mar 23rd, 2015

Mark called after leaving Andrea and asked me to meet him at a nearby restaurant. Mark explained that he informed Andrea of what the addiction counselor had said to me and that I was very worried, but that Andrea was unwilling to allow him to take her to hospital. He said she did promise to go tomorrow, but was not convinced that she meant it. Mark said it was obvious that Andrea was very ill, and confirmed the jaundice I noticed the week before. He stated that if Andrea did not go to the hospital the following day, I may need to consider taking a mental inquest warrant against her. I told him that I was considering it, but feared if I did have her involuntarily hospitalized, her parents would convince her my actions were malicious and likely compel her to seek divorce regardless of the findings. He agreed, but could not offer any alternatives.

Explanation
Mar 23rd, 2015 5:07pm

Later that afternoon I sent Andrea a message attempting to explain my actions and remind her of her promise to go to the hospital tomorrow.

CHRIS: I know you hate me right now. I guess I'll learn to deal with that. Patrick and I just want you back healthy. We do love you. Be strong for us. We will be strong for you.

CHRIS: Will you please go tomorrow?

Broken promise
Mar 24th, 2015

Unfortunately, Andrea would not keep her promise. She sent me a message explaining that she understood my reasons, but felt ambushed. She stated that she made an appointment to see her doctor (in lieu of going to the hospital).

ANDREA: I do not hate you. I understand that you just want me better. The way you went about it scared me and made me feel ambushed.

CHRIS: I know.

CHRIS: I need to tell you this. Please let it sink in. I was told to do that by the therapist at the alc

CHRIS: Clinic. They said your condition is severe based on the vomiting and the last 3 months. It is not safe to wait. At least take yourself to an emergency room. A doctors office does not have the mri needed to check stomach

CHRIS: Please. I am so scared.

CHRIS: Im not in control or trying to control. Im scared

ANDREA: I want to talk to my doctor I have an appointment

I called Andrea immediately after receiving her last message. I wanted to know why she wasn't going to the hospital as promised. Andrea informs me that her mother called yesterday shortly after Mark left and that they had a long conversation about my attempt to have her go to the hospital.

ANDREA: “We both agreed that you crossed the line and I need some distance.”

CHRIS: “You're making a mistake. Please go to the hospital. If you don't, this is going to end badly for all of us. If not for yourself, then for Patrick, please, you promised.”

ANDREA: (angry) “I want to talk to my doctor. I have an appointment. I need you to stop trying to control me!”

She refused to talk anymore about her drinking and told me to give her space. Andrea said goodbye, and ended the call. I could not believe that Andrea was treating me like the enemy. I was frustrated and angry, but it was fear that was consuming me. Andrea was in a free fall, and I was just watching, increasingly unable to stop it.

Voicemail
Mar 24th, 2015

Mark called a short time later and informed me that Andrea had attempted to call him and left a voicemail explaining that she made an appointment to see her doctor. We both agreed that Andrea had lost control and that the appointment with her doctor (if she went) was only a tactic to placate me.

Mar 26th, 2015

Conversation with Andrea's father
Mar 26th, 2015 4:20pm

I called Andrea's parents home in another attempt to convince them that Andrea needed medical attention. I was hopeful that the warnings conveyed by the addiction counselor would cause them to act.

John answered the phone, and I asked him to please hear me out. I shared my conversation with the addiction counselor and reminded him how sickly Andrea appeared, but John continuously rebutted my attempts to persuade him. I resorted to using guilt by questioning his love for Andrea if he allowed her physical deterioration to continue, but that also failed to make any impact.

John repeated the following arguments throughout our conversation:

1. “Counselors can be manipulated”
2. “You need to leave Andrea alone”
3. “Andrea has not been drinking while staying here”
4. “I know alcoholics, and Andrea is not an alcoholic”

Message to Andrea
Mar 26th, 2015 4:30pm

After the call with John ended, I sent Andrea a message.

CHRIS: I want to know why your dad just told me that I manipulated this and that you are not an alcoholic. I am tired of being lied to

CHRIS: You expect me to just keep taking this? You lied to me. You lied to your parents and sisters and have led everyone to believe this is my fault. Really????

CHRIS: I know it's hard to look ahead but can't you see all these lies are going to collapse very very soon?

CHRIS: Please Andrea. I am trying to save us. I really am. I'm not mad at your parents they do love you and will always love you no matter what. We are human. We tell lies. We disappoint. We learn. Don't let this spiral out of control.

ANDREA: I'm trying. I will call later.

Mar 29th, 2015

Andrea's alcoholism started to consume me. The frustration and anxiety were overwhelming and my need to fix her problems began to feel obsessive. I was spending the majority of my time seeking help from online forums dedicated to alcoholics and their families, or watching YouTube videos on “Secret Alcoholics”. I was desperately seeking answers to explain why and how this happened. I felt helpless to stop our marriage, our family, from crashing down around us. Anxiety was tearing me apart and I knew that I needed to regain some balance.

I reasoned that Andrea would eventually be forced to get help as her parents watched her condition deteriorate. Patrick and I could only hope that it would be sooner, rather than later. I sat at the table and began typing the letter I did not want to write, emailing it to Andrea when I finished.

Email to Andrea
Mar 29th, 2015 9:35pm

Andrea,

I first want you to know I love you and I always have, but like all things there is a limit to what I can take and I feel I have reached that limit.

I cannot adequately explain to you in words the pain I have felt over the past month as I've watched you pull away from me and sink further into the abyss that alcohol has enveloped you in. I have tried to make you realize how committed I was to helping you and saving our family, but you never made me feel like you cared, only inconvenienced.

I do not feel as though you care for Patrick and me in the same manner we have grown accustomed to throughout the years. I believe that Patrick somehow realizes this also. He has become more distant, sad, and just not acting himself. He regularly cries himself awake at night. His vomiting episodes have subsided, but I attribute that to his new medication. You meant everything to him and I'm sure he is grieving, as am I, over the possibility of losing that very special person that you were.

Before you cast aspersions on me for not allowing you to pick him up, please remember that it was you who decided to drink and drive with our son in the car. I do not see how you can possibly find fault in my decision to protect him from that until you decide to get real help. I am tired of you repeatedly telling me that I'm doing it to “control you”, which has become your favorite buzzword since staying at your parents house. Get over it and look at it for what it is: Patrick and I are scared for him to get in a car with you. You allowed him to see you drink vodka in the car and discard Heaven Hill bottles while pumping gas. In your current condition, you cannot possibly comprehend how disappointed and infuriated I am that you would do those things.

You are welcome to come see him anytime at our home. If you prefer me not to be here, I will leave and give you both time to spend together. If you want to bring family with you, that is fine, but I will not allow you or your parents to take him. Your father made it very clear to me, during our recent phone conversation, that he does not understand the extent of your problems. I know you love Patrick. He loves and misses you so very much, but he and I are fully aware of the reckless behavior that you have involved him in, and we are both troubled by that.

Please do not force my hand on this. The outcome is not something either of us would want. Try to look at this from an outsider's perspective, like a story you saw on the news, and ask yourself, “What would Andrea do?”. We both know the answer to that question, and somewhere inside of you is that responsible and loving mother who is nodding her head in affirmation.

Unfortunately, I believe that your failure to seek treatment for your alcoholism, and your insistence to handle this on your own, are clear signs that you have no intention of dealing appropriately with your problems. You and I know the extent of your alcoholism and the severe physical symptoms you are experiencing. Going to a baseline physician by yourself will only allow you the opportunity to minimize the problem to your doctor and hide the true extent of the damage it has caused. You will most likely go to some counseling on the doctor's advice, but continue to hide your true condition. This will not ensure Patrick's safety. I have explained to you that Patrick is scared, and fully aware of your alcohol addiction. He has told you, in my presence, that he just wants his mommy to get better and come back home. He loves you very much and you are hurting him by continuing down this path of self-destruction. You are hurting the both of us more than you will ever realize. I recently explained that if I were to lose you, I would feel dead inside, but If I were to lose you both, I could not bare it. I hope you understand.

You have successfully managed to hide your drinking problem for a minimum of two years until you began a rapid descent in October that ended with you vomiting uncontrollably and sleeping on the couch or floor for much of the day. You refused to do anything to help yourself. You had a few days where you appeared normal, but they continually grew fewer in number. I have asked your family for help and been repeatedly made to feel that your problems were caused by me. I do not know what you have told them, but your constant insistence that the tensions between them and I only exist in my mind is an obvious lie.

I know you feel sorry for yourself. I understand that I have been emotionally unavailable to you many times throughout the years and particularly over the past 10 months while I worked to further this new business opportunity. I acknowledge that I sometimes have unreasonable expectations, and can be over-critical when those expectations are not met. I am sorry for my mistakes, and promise you I am working to correct them, but you need to accept responsibility for shortcomings as well. You have shown a problem with being truthful, and have displayed a disturbing talent for telling lies, quite convincingly, even when there was seemingly little reason to do so. I have discussed this issue with you numerous times over the past few years.

We both can point fingers, but your alcoholism has cost our family physically, mentally, financially, and emotionally more than all our aforementioned shortcomings combined. I hurt so much because I love you so, but the love Patrick and I have for you does not appear to be enough to break you away from this.

Patrick and I just wanted us to be a family again. We have prayed for you to find the courage to confront your alcoholism, but I feel that everything you claim to be doing is rooted in deception. I have held on to as much hope as I could find, but I feel there is nothing left to hold onto.

I am no longer going to fight with you, or your family, over your alcohol problem, I am letting it go and focusing on getting my life back to some sense of normalcy.

I hope you find the strength to beat this, and maybe someday return to Patrick and I, but if that does not happen, I hope you have felt how much I love you, and know that I am grateful for the love and affection you have shown me.

Chris

Email response from Andrea
Mar 29th, 2015 10:05pm

ANDREA: I am getting help I promise. I am telling my parents everything and I am telling them I need help now. I know that I have lied to you but I have not been myself. I love you both so much and I dont want to lose you. Please just let me get help and we will get through this and be happy like before. I promise I'm getting help. I was wrong and im sorry. I know I need help. I will straighten this all out. Don't give up on us. I love you.

Andrea tells her parents
Mar 29th, 2015 11:00pm

Within an hour of receiving her email, Andrea called our home to inform me that she admitted her alcoholism to her parents, and explained to them that it was the cause for the medical problems she had been experiencing. Andrea sounded sad, tired and agitated. I expected a different tone, following the sincere pleas of her email reply, but reasoned that admitting everything to her parents proved extremely difficult for her.

I asked Andrea if she was going to the hospital tonight, but replied that she wasn't. She explained that her parents asked to wait until the morning, allowing them to call and confirm that she could be treated at Our Lady of Peace Hosptal. I told Andrea I was sure that Our Lady of Peace answered calls 24/7. I then reminded her that the addiction counselor recommended seeking treatment for her physical symptoms at an emergency room, before going to a treatment center. Andrea explained to me that her parents had already gone to bed, and would just wait until the morning. I asked Andrea if I could come over and take her, but she said it was too late to drag Patrick out, and again stated she would wait until morning. I explained that I needed to verify that Our Lady of Peace was covered by our insurance. I told her that I would check our policy, and if they were not a covered provider, I would find which facilities were. I told her that I would send her that information shortly. I asked Andrea if she would allow Patrick and I to take her in the morning, but said no, explaining that her mother asked to take her. She promised to call Patrick and I once settled.

I told Andrea that I was proud of her for having the courage to tell her parents, and that things would be much better soon. We ended the call with each of us stating, “I Love You.”

Message to Andrea
Mar 29th, 2015 11:32pm

I went online and reviewed our insurance. I found that the only inpatient substance abuse treatment facility covered by Humana was The Brook Hospital. I picked up my phone and sent Andrea the information, along with the link to their website.

CHRIS: Please read your email

CHRIS: I tried to have Patrick call to say good night. It went to voice mail. Please let us know you are ok.

CHRIS: andrea you slept till 5. please respond. we are worried.

CHRIS: our lady of peace does not accept humana insurance.

CHRIS: The Brooks does. http://www.thebrookhospitals.com/Programs/

Mar 30th, 2015

The Brook Hospital
Mar 30th, 2015 3:30pm

I had not heard from Andrea throughout the day, and I did not not know if she had made it to The Brook Hospital for treatment. I attempted to call her, but her phone went straight to voicemail. I worried that the entire conversation the night before was another lie. I decided to drive to the hospital and see if she was there.

After arriving I drove through the parking lots searching for John or Patrice's car, but did not see either. I parked my car outside the admissions building, Patrick and I went inside. I went to the front desk and asked if Andrea had been admitted, but they advised me they could not confirm whether a patient was or was not there.

Message to Patrice
Mar 30th, 2015 3:56pm

I decided to send Patrice a text message and see if she would confirm that she was in fact bringing Andrea. She responded a few minutes later stating that they had to wait for a referral from our health insurance provider. I knew that could not be correct. I spoke to Humana earlier and was told that no referral was necessary to be screened for substance abuse issues from an approved provider.

CHRIS: Patrice could we get an update please. Patrick and I would just like to know something. Andrea told me you were taking her this morning.

PATRICE: She has an appointment for ,

PATRICE: She has an appointment for 4 PM. We had to wait for the referral to go through.

Andrea and Patrice arrive
Mar 30th, 2015 4:00pm

Patrick and I returned to our car and leaving the hospital, when I saw Patrice and Andrea pull into a nearby parking space. I stopped the car and called for Andrea as she and Patrice exited the car. Patrice walked towards my vehicle and angrily shouted, “You need to leave.” I asked her why she was yelling at me, but she just continued shouting at me to leave. Patrick put his window down, and was calling for Andrea, but she could not hear him or was ignoring him. It was evident that something was wrong with Andrea. Her face and hands were a very pale white. She was staring at the ground, and appeared completely oblivious to what was happening around her. Patrick was visibly upset. I decided to leave.

Message to Patrice
Mar 30th, 2015 4:07pm

I was very worried about Andrea's appearance and confused why Patrice was so angry towards me. I pulled over in a nearby parking lot and sent Patrice a message.

CHRIS: Please call me with any updates. I know you must have your reasons for being angry with me. But we love her and want her well

Message from Patrice
Mar 30th, 2015 10:13pm

Approximately 6 hours later I received the following message from Patrice:

PATRICE: Andrea is settled. She can not have any visitors or phone calls right now.

CHRIS: thank you

Looking Back

Patrice's first text message about waiting for a referral still confuses me and I do not know why she made it. Her text message telling me, “Andrea is settled...”, was a lie. Andrea was never admitted to The Brook Hospital. Prior to admission it was discovered that Andrea's blood pressure was dangerously low and she needed emergency care. Andrea was taken to Norton's Suburban Hospital emergency room and seen shortly after 6:00pm. She was transferred to their Intensive Care Unit (ICU) a short time later suffering from the following problems:

• Acute Alcoholic Hepatitis
• Acute Liver Failure
• Alcohol Intoxication
• Alcoholic Pancreatitis
• Anemia (due to alcoholism)
• Aspiration Pneumonia
• Coagulopathy (due to liver failure)
• Hepatic Encephalopathy
• Hypovolemic Shock
• Metabolic Encephalopathy
• Shock Liver
• Thrombocytopenia (due to alcoholic liver disease)

According to Norton's medical records, Andrea told doctors at the emergency room she last consumed alcohol at 10:00am that morning. Blood taken at 6:47pm revealed that Andrea's blood alcohol level was .086, more than 8 hours after her last reported drink.

Mar 31st, 2015

Message to Patrice
Mar 31st, 2015 11:38am

I had not received any updates throughout the morning. I sent a message to Patrice asking how Andrea was doing.

CHRIS: How is she?

Message from John
Mar 31st, 2015 11:47am

9 minutes later I received the following message from John.

JOHN: Andrea not doing well. Liver failing. She is on room 4, ICU Norton Suburban. She wants to see Patrick by himself. You can come in after they see each other. You should bring him by soon

I was shocked and confused because I believed that Andrea was still at The Brook Hospital. I immediately called John and asked him what he was talking about. He told me Andrea was “dying” and said that she was taken to the emergency room the previous night after doctors at The Brook found that her blood pressure was 60/40 and stated that she needed emergency care.

I felt sick and my head was spinning. I dropped the phone and scrambled to find my car keys. I left the house and drove to Patrick's school.

I arrived at Patrick’s school and tried to compose myself before going inside. The office called Patrick’s teacher and had her bring Patrick to the office. He knew something was wrong when he saw me.

Patrick and I arrive
Mar 31st, 2015 12:34pm

Patrick and I arrived at the hospital and made our way to the ICU located on the 2nd floor where we had to wait until being allowed to enter. We were immediately met by John and Patrice in the hallway. John took Patrick's hand and lead him to Andrea's room leaving me alone with Patrice, arms crossed and glaring at me. I do not remember much from the conversation between Patrice and I, my mind was racing in different directions. I remember she informed me that Andrea had signed a Power of Attorney, and that she was acting overtly hostile towards me, but nothing else. I just stood there, waiting for Patrick to return, so that I could see Andrea.

When I saw Patrick leave the room, I walked to him and put my arms around him asking if he was okay. He was not crying, and did not appear to be very upset, but rather confused, and I remember being unsure how to interpret that. I asked him to wait with Patrice while I went in to see Andrea.

I entered Andrea's room. John was sitting in a chair close to her bed. Andrea was very pale and shaking as though cold. After approaching her bedside, she looked at me and said, “I don't want to die.” She was crying and I could see she was genuinely frightened that she was dying. I felt sick to my stomach. I searched for the right words to comfort her, but all I was able to say was, “You are not going to die. You can't die, we need you.” I held her hand and continued to try and comfort her, but she soon began to complain that she was unable to breathe and began to hyperventilate. A nurse was called; I kissed Andrea's forehead and asked her to rest while I checked on Patrick. While Andrea was obviously very ill, and unknown to me at the time, this would be the last time I was able to talk with my wife in a competent state.

Appeasement
Mar 31st, 2015 2:40pm

Patrice told me that Kristiana (Andrea's oldest sister) and her family would be arriving shortly from New Jersey, and asked if they could keep Patrick for the next 2 days while they were here. I agreed. John followed me to my car to get Patrick's belongings. I gave Patrick his backpack, hugged him goodbye, and watched as he walked away with John.

I returned to the ICU and was informed by Patrice that Andrea was sedated during my absence, and now sleeping. When I attempted to sit down, Patrice told me that I needed to leave, stating that Andrea needed to rest. I told her I wanted to stay, promising not to disturb Andrea. Patrice (using part of a statement I made earlier) reminds me that I had promised to “…do anything to help get Andrea better.”, apparently appointing herself the judge of what that entailed. I expected her to be more obliging towards me since I had agreed to her request to keep Patrick, but Patrice did not feel it was necessary to reciprocate. The hostility towards me had not abated, and her body language made it very clear that my leaving was not open to discussion. I agreed to leave with the promise that she would update me with any news.

I was angry at myself for complaisantly submitting to her demands after agreeing to allow Patrick to stay with them. This was uncharacteristic of me, and still bothers me today. My passive appeasement set the precedent for how they would attempt to handle me throughout this ordeal.